Humor Pieces

Satirical Headlines

• NUTRISMASH (Formerly THE WHOLE WHEAT POST)
  • 8 Kale Salads That Will Make You Say “This Diet Better Fucking Work!”
  • Billions of Cicadas Emerge After Shedding Their Quarantine Bodies
  • New Protein Bar Uses Only Locally Synthesized Ingredients
  • How We Tricked Our Taste Buds Int Thinking Everything Is Snickers
• THE BROADWAY BEAT
  • Actor Not Cursed to Communicate Exclusively Through Showtunes, That’s Just Kind of How He Is 
  •  “This Is The Single Greatest Thing I’ve Ever Created!” says Set Designer Whose Son is Also in the Play
  • Dance Captain Fails To Convince Anyone They Took The Job Reluctantly
  • Producers Who Pre-Cast Suddenly Taking Auditions Very Seriously 
• MAN FACTS
  • Inspired Man Persuades Wife To Have Second Kid After Their First Won’t Watch Die Hard
  • Husband Has Identity Crisis After Accidentally Using the ‘Hers’ Towel
  • Language Barrier Forms After Son Begins Quoting Drag Race to His Father
• THE BOSTON ACCENT
  • Curt Schilling Pissed Aaron Rogers Didn’t Seek Advice From Him Too
  • Dunkin’ Announces Fuck It, They’re Putting Pats Logo On Super Bowl Cups Anyway
  • Suffolk University Brand Recognition Skyrockets After Renaming Themselves ‘Temu Emerson’
  • The Pats Are Going To The Bad Bunny Concert

Humor Pieces

• MCSWEENEY’S
  • I’m The High School’s Theater Director, And I’ve Precast Every Role In This Upcoming Production of Bye-Bye Birdie
• POINTS IN CASE
  • It’s Time to Break Some Rules and Re-Open Hogsmeade
  • List: How Children Remember History vs. How Their Parents Remember It
  • Are You at Thanksgiving Dinner, or Are You a Character In The ‘Star Wars” Prequels?
  • Star Wars Movies Pitched by Other Famous Directors
  • 8-Year-Old Going Trick or Treating, or 28-Year-Old Looking for a Good Paying Job?
  • Are You an Adult Only Child Still Living at Home, or a House Cat?
  • I’m the Third Weather Girl, Here with Some Hard Truths About How Bad Things Have Gotten Since It Started Raining Men
• ROBOT BUTT
  • The Best Episodes of ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’
  • Gritty Now Has OnlyFans Where You Can Watch Him Eat Popcorn For $7.29 a Month
• GREENER PASTURES
  • You’re a Customer Service Agent, Not an Individual
  • We Are Aquarium Sharks, Not Movie Sharks!
  • I Have a Superpower, And It’s Called “Wearing Combat Boots” (GP’s Most Read of 2021)
  • “Why Don’t You Move Out of Your Parents’ House Already” BINGO ANSWER CARD
• SLACKJAW
  •  Our School’s Arbitrary Standards Tell Us Your Child Has ADHD
  • “Star Trek: The Next Generation” Episodes That Only I Want To See
  • My Cover Letter To Be A Student At Lily Street Preschool
• 2 HO HO HO’S
  • A Letter To Santa From A Newly Hired Elf Who Wishes To Work With The Reindeer and Their Hunky Trainer
  • RuPaul Critiques Horror Villain Looks On The Runway
  • Dos and Don’ts For Getting Through Your MAGA Family’s 4th of July Barbecue With Minimal Rage
  • Introducing…Hallmark Christmas Movie Tinted Glasses
• THE WASHINGTON BOAST
  • Congress Votes to Confirm Its Confusion Over the State of the Latest COVID-19 Stimulus Bill
• LITTLE OLD LADY
  •   A Collection Of Writers’ Obituaries For Their Murdered Darlings 
• WEEKLY HUMORIST
  • Survival Guide For Being Shipwrecked In An Episodic TV Series